reverend mommy's random thoughts

Today I was reminded of the day that I stopped blogging regularly. It’s been 3 years or so. The trigger for this memory was a posting in a Facebook group. Someone decided to leave the group because it caused some vexations in her spirit.

I’ve been there. I left a group maybe 5 years ago after an IRL meeting, a few postings to an anonymous blog and a few phone calls left me vexed in my spirit. I’ve left another group because I didn’t like the way the group was evolving and the postings and comments in the group became more bitter and at times just plain nasty. I’ve had a group that meant a lot to me fade away slowly because of centripetal forces – new blogging tools, new social media outlets.

But I stopped blogging 3 years ago because of a conflict I had IRL with a home-school group. I still post some things, but I just haven’t had the vigor that I had in the past. I’ve become circumspect. I’ve encountered conflict on the internet before – I encountered conflict on the proto-internet 30 years ago – and what I have learned is this: if your participation in a group causes you pain and agony; if it vexes you in the spirit, for your own self care – leave.

30 years ago, I posted some things on a bulletin board for a computer club here in Atlanta. I was looking for social interaction – the guys on the BBS were looking for a good argument (a la Monty Python, I am sure.) My feelings were hurt and I found another BBS that was more interested in socializing.

Another thing I have learned is that social interaction on the web can have real world implications. Such was my conflict with this homeschool group. I could not sign their statement of faith, but I really wanted to join this group. I suggested to the group that I my statement of faith found in the UM Book of Discipline was equivalent (except for infant baptism). After much discussion, they decided “no.” This got to me. I’m all about inclusivity. The more people at the party, the more fun you can have. I love getting to know people that are different that I am – I believe they enrich my life. But I could accept that they wanted a homogenous group and I could have taken that rejection. My children could not. And then the children of the other moms got involved. They began to troll my blog and made a few horrible comments.

I’ve been thinking about this for 3 years. So much of life deals with conflict but at least IRL there is not a permanent record of the conflict. On the internet, there is. IRL you can discern if a person is serious or joking around. On the internet, not so much.

I’m not the only person who has encountered these demons of conflict on the internet. For the last three years, I’ve watched controversy and conflict pick people up in a maelstrom of emotions and then deposit them beaten and bruised in a desolate place – where there is little to no human interaction or grace to be found.

So for the last three years, I’ve written essays and not posted them. I’ve typed in comments on Facebook and not sent them. I’ve written tweets and not pressed enter. I ask myself, “Am I posting this for the good?” and if the answer is “no” I don’t post.

As Sergeant Phil Esterhaus used to say on “Hill Street Blues” - Hey, let's be careful out there.

Mark 1:21-28 from The Message

Then they entered Capernaum. When the Sabbath arrived, Jesus lost no time in getting to the meeting place. He spent the day there teaching. They were surprised at his teaching—so forthright, so confident—not quibbling and quoting like the religion scholars.
Suddenly, while still in the meeting place, he was interrupted by a man who was deeply disturbed and yelling out, "What business do you have here with us, Jesus? Nazarene! I know what you're up to! You're the Holy One of God, and you've come to destroy us!"Jesus shut him up: "Quiet! Get out of him!" The afflicting spirit threw the man into spasms, protesting loudly—and got out.Everyone there was incredulous, buzzing with curiosity. "What's going on here? A new teaching that does what it says? He shuts up defiling, demonic spirits and sends them packing!" News of this traveled fast and was soon all over Galilee.


Leader: Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation.People: Great are the works of the Lord, studied by all who delight in them. Full of honor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures forever.Leader: The Lord has gained renown by his wonderful deeds. He is gracious and merciful.People: He has shown his people the power of his works, in giving them the heritage of the nations. The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy.Leader:  He sent redemption to his people. He has commanded his covenant forever. Holy and awesome is his name.People: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. All those who practice it have a good understanding.

God over all, You have filled our world with wondrous things. You have given us a church family and friends that give us some understanding of the glories of heaven with You and all Your people. We thank You as well for being our Father in heaven, a Father who gives us daily guidance and protection. Help us to honor and glorify You as we follow the example of Your Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, who taught us to pray: “Our Father. . .”
from http://psalmsandprayers.com/psalm111.htm

Make my life a prayer to You
I wanna do what You want me to
No empty words and no white lies
No token prayers no compromise

I wanna shine the light You gave
Thru Your Son You sent to save us
From ourselves and our despair
It comforts me to know You're really there

Chorus:
Well I wanna thank You now
For being patient with me
Oh it's so hard to see
When my eyes are on me
I guess I'll have to trust
And just believe what You say
Oh you're coming again
Coming to take me away

I wanna die and let You give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope You gave me
The love that set me free

I wanna tell the world out there
You're not some fable or fairy tale
That I've made up inside my head
You're God the Son and You've risen from the dead

Chorus

I wanna die and let You give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope You gave me
The love that set me free

Give Thyself unto me, O my God, restore Thyself unto me: behold I love, and if it be too little, I would love more strongly...

In Thy Gift we rest; there we enjoy Thee. Our rest is our place. Love lifts us up thither, and Thy good Spirit lifts up our lowliness from the gates of death. In Thy good pleasure is our peace.

The body by its own weight strives towards its own place. Weight makes not downward only, but to his own place. Fire tends upward, a stone downward. They are urged by their own weight, they seek their own places. Oil poured below water, is raised above the water; water poured upon oil, sinks below the oil. They are urged by their own weights to seek their own places. When out of their order, they are restless; restored to order, they are at rest.

My weight, is my love; thereby am I borne, whithersoever I am borne. We are inflamed, by Thy Gift we are kindled; and are carried upwards; we glow inwardly, and go forwards. We ascend Thy ways that be in our heart, and sing a song of degrees; we glow inwardly with Thy fire, with Thy good fire, and we go; because we go upwards to the peace of Jerusalem: for gladdened was I in those who said unto me, We will go up to the house of the Lord. There hath Thy good pleasure placed us, that we may desire nothing else, but to abide there for ever.

-- Augustine